My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
