so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
