i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
