I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
