I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
