I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
