watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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