He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
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the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
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I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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