Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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