I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I FOUND THE LEGS
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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