you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I need moral support for this bender
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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