this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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