The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
