There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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