Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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