I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
