You work out of a Hotel?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
