how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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