do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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