Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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