I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
