I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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