lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
