It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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