Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
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You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
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Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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