You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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