If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
