I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
