I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
