I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
