The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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