I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm like, not good at living.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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