Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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