At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
