My hand turned me down
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
