So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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