the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
