Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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