I never want to see another naked old woman again.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
