What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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