boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
