I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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