i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
