I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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