need another drink. this is the easiest way
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
