I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
