I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
