wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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