woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I got inside last night via doggy door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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