Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
