I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You are a genius and a whore.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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