I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
