we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
