Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
