I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
