I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Who died my cat blue again?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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