Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
this boner is exhausting
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
