i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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