my room smells like sperm. sweet.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
