You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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