No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
