Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
