I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I want to fling myself into the sun
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
