you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
