and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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