Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
