So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
